Monday, September 25, 2006

That is Enough!

I am so stinkin' mad right now, and since I can't confront the person who made me this way, I'm going to talk to all of you instead. It will probably do me more good anyway.

This morning I was at the grocery store with my daughter and we passed a man wearing a T-shirt that read, "I like my women like I like my coffee." That didn't make any sense, so I figured he must have more on his back. Sure enough, he did. The back read, "Ground up and in the freezer."

I quickly escorted my daughter to the next aisle before she had a chance to read his shirt. (Sometimes it makes things difficult when your children can read.) This man should thank his lucky stars my daughter was with me; that's pretty much the only thing that kept me from approaching him.

The statement on that shirt was so offensive that for several minutes, I couldn't even see straight. It's sick and wrong on so many levels.

First of all, to even suggest the grinding up of someone and placing them in your freezer depicts an absolute lack of respect for human life. Someone who wears a T-shirt like that does not hold sacred one of the most sacred things we've been given -- human life. The very cause for which mothers go to the brink of death every time they give birth, the very cause for which our veterans have fought and lost limbs, lives, and sensibilities, and for which our soldiers are fighting right this minute. Little babies clinging on by threads in isolettes in the hospital, wanting so much to have their chance on earth. Cancer victims and AIDS victims, wishing for just one more day with family and loved ones.

Additionally, that shirt completely undermines women. Now, I'm not a feminist, in the traditional sense of the word. I like staying at home to take care of the children while my husband works. I like dressing up and looking pretty; I like feeling protected. But I am rabid when it comes to the way men in society look at women. Granted, women here are treated better than they are in some other parts of the world, but it's still not good enough. A country where a man can freely talk about grinding women up to put in his freezer is a country where freedom of speech has taken a seriously wrong turn.

I don't ever, ever want my daughter to get the message that because she was born a girl, that makes her in any way inferior. I want her to know that her strength comes from within, and that nothing can ever take away that inner strength from her unless she chooses to let it go. I want her to know that she is of tremendous value and worth, that she does not ever have to be subservient to a man, but that she and her husband can walk side by side, as partners. I don't want her for one minute to feel like she has to put up with an attitude that demeans her and makes her feel less than she is.

So, Mr. Macho T-Shirt Man, you may think you are being so funny when you wear that shirt. You may say it's just for laughs, and that all your buddies love it. Big hairy deal. You're no man. You're a weak-kneed, lily-livered, woman-hating abuser, and I will do everything in my power to keep myself and my daughter far, far away from the likes of you. We both deserve better than that.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Deep Thoughts about Service

I'm taking a break from taking a break. How's that for wishy-washy?

I'm writing in today because I want to share some deep thoughts I've been having about service. I think it's pretty typical for us to like to give service but we don't like to be the recipient of it. Why is that, I've wondered? Today I think I got some insight into that.

When we think of giving service to others, who do we usually think of serving? The first people who come to mind are the sick, the unemployed, the widows -- anyone we know is having a hard time. In essence, those who are worse off than we are.

When we give them service, it makes us feel good because we feel that we're in a position to help them. We feel glad that we're better off than they are.

(This is all subconscious, by the way -- I don't think we do it to be stinkers.)

So, when someone wants to give us service, we (subconsciously) feel that now we're the weak ones and that others must view us that way, and that's why we shy away from receiving service.

This is, of course, faulty thinking. People don't give service because they want to show that they are better than those around them. They give service because they genuinely care. I do speak of the vast majority -- you will occasionally find those that serve because of the praise it gets them, but those people are the exception and not the norm.

One of the trademarks of the truly Christ-like is that they want to serve. The closer you become to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, the more inclined you are to want to serve, and the less you think of yourself. I rather think that this faulty perception, that we only serve those weaker than us so if we're being served, that means we're weak, distracts us from the true purpose of service, which is to show Christ's love to everyone as it has been shown to us.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on my ramblings. What do you think?

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Taking a Break

Hey all,

I’ve got some really cool news. I’m buying a trailer house and I’m right in the middle of moving. We’ve got three weeks to get it all done, and I’m losing my little mind.

So, of necessity, I’m taking a break from this blog until after the move. I’m posting a couple of extra blogs tonight just to tide you over and hopefully to keep you from falling into the depths of despair, but come October, I’ll be back with you, never you fear.

Writer Tip #20 -- When Too Much is Too Much

Sarah could still see signs of Sam’s sickness. He hardly seemed hale and hearty. In fact, his flesh was flabby. She wondered if he was willing to wander to the water to wink at the waves.

Okay, that was overexaggerated. (When are my examples not?) But I’m making a point here, and it’s a good one. Don’t use words that start with the same letter too frequently in one sentence. It makes the reader feel like they’re mentally stuttering when they read it.

I’ve seen authors successfully write an entire paragraph using the same letter repeatedly, but it was always tongue in cheek and never in a serious book. So if you want your reader to take you seriously, make sure you’re solemn and not silly.

Monday, September 11, 2006

9/11

I'm sure the Internet will be completely overrun with blogs and articles about 9/11 today, the five year anniversary. We'll all be talking about where we were and what we were doing (I was making breakfast with a kids' show on; my mom called and told me to change the channel) The radio will be playing songs about patriotism, speeches will be given, and it will be a very emotional day for many. Some will go forward not thinking much about it; they've decided to look at the future and not the past. We all have different ways to cope with tragedy, and I can't say that one way is superior to another.

Today, I'm remembering the people on flight 93. Of all the stories the media shared about the attacks, it's the airplane people that touched me the most. They knew they were going to die and there was no way to avoid it. Instead of crying or cowering in their seats, they chose to act. Because of their courage in the face of death, they saved lives by bringing the plane down where they did instead of letting it crash into another building. It took guts to do what they did. I salute them for their bravery.

What I do not salute, however, is Hollywood for making movies out of it so soon after the event, while hearts and minds are still stirred up, while there are so many people still traumatized, while husbands and wives of those killed are still crying themselves to sleep at night. It seems to me that Hollywood will do anything to make a buck, and if that means making a movie about the most horrifying event that has hit our shores, well, by all means! Let's make a buck! Let's turn these people's personal losses into a million dollars.

I won't be seeing those movies. I think it's cannibalism.

I say, let's give our fallen brothers and sisters the dignity they deserve by not turning their deaths into something we watch with popcorn dribbling down our chins.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Writer Tip #19 -- Varying Sentence Structure

She crossed the room and picked up her journal. She flipped it open to the first page and began to read. She had been so young then. She was a student in med school, not the seasoned doctor she was now. She sighed. She thought about all that had happened since she graduated. She wondered what her life would have been like if she had gone to beauty college instead.

Notice anything about the above paragraph (other than it’s another perfect example of my corniness?) Every sentence starts with the word “she.” It gets kind of boring, doesn’t it?

Whether or not your reader consciously picks up on it, if the sentence structure is not varied, they will get bored. Their subconscious recognizes the repetition and lulls them into a sleepy state before they even know what’s happening.

Let’s try that paragraph again, and this time, let’s spice things up a little bit.


She crossed the room and picked up her journal. Flipping it open to the first page, she began to read, amazed at how young she had been then, a student in med school and not the seasoned doctor she was now. She sighed, thinking about all that had happened since she graduated. What would her life have been like if she had gone to beauty college instead?

Notice what I did? I took some of the fragment sentences and stuck them together. I varied the sentence structure and I made her “wonder” into an actual question in her mind.

We could even take this a step further and say:

She sighed, thinking about all that had happened since she graduated. What would my life have been like if I had gone to beauty college instead?

This change shows her thought as taking place in real time, and we get a glimpse inside her head.

Some authors shy away from starting a sentence with an “ing” word (as in, “Flipping it open to the first page”) I’ve asked many authors and editors for their opinion and basically, it boils down to personal choice. I don’t have a problem with it and I find it helps me in my quest to vary the sentence structure. However, you wouldn’t want to use it all the time, or the same mind-numbing phenomenon will occur as did in the first paragraph.

Also make sure that you vary how your paragraphs start, as well. If you’ve got eight paragraphs on the same page, make sure they don’t all start with the same word. You could probably get away with two in a row starting the same, but three is a no-no.

In summary, shake your paragraphs up a bit. Experiment with your word construction. Keep your reader’s mind alert by varying structure and being just a bit unpredictable.

Writer Tip # 18 -- Getting and Using Criticism

Most people would rather die than to willingly subject themselves to criticism. We get it enough as it is; why ask for it? I’ll tell you why. It will make you a better writer.

I can’t even tell you how many times I have come to the end of a manuscript, thinking it was absolutely perfect, only to turn it over to my friends and family for critique and have them point out countless errors. This doesn’t mean I’m going to stop sending my work out. It means I have some editing to do.

You do not want to put your book out in the world full of errors. You want your reader to trust you, to believe what you have to say. When they see facts running amok and typos left and right, they lose their trust in you and they don’t enjoy the book. When everything in the book jives with things they already know, you build a foundation of trust with the reader and can then interject things that perhaps they did not know, and they will accept it from you more easily because they know you got your other details straight.

Authors get blind to their own work. By the time you see a book sitting on the shelf in the store, it has already been through countless revisions. Just as an example, let’s look at the life of a book.

-- Outline. Some authors write a detailed outline, some, a skeleton outline, and some don’t outline at all.

-- First draft.

-- Second draft.

-- Third draft. This is usually where the author feels good enough about their work to let others read it.

-- Fixing mistakes from reader #1.

-- Fixing mistakes from reader #2.

-- Fixing mistakes from reader #3.

-- Reading the whole thing through for continuity.

You see how many times the author has read through the book? Many books take more than three drafts before going to readers; this was just an example. But if you read the same thing over and over again that many times, you’d go blind too. Gaping holes in plot, silly sentences, bad grammar – after a while, it all blends into a big pot of mush in your head and you become desensitized to what your book really needs. Call in a fresh set of eyes.

Be sure to ask someone you trust to read for you. It needs to be someone who is perceptive, who will be honest with you, and who won’t try to write the book for you. Nothing drives me more nuts than to have someone say, “This paragraph doesn’t make sense. Why don’t you rewrite the whole thing like this –” and then they change it into their own words. That’s not editing – that’s interference!

Sometimes you’ll get advice you really don’t want to get. Be willing to listen to it. The most painful advice is usually the most true, and painful because it’s hitting home. Cast your pride off to the side and think about it. Ask yourself, “Is this criticism accurate?” If it’s not, pitch it out the door and forget about it. If it does have some truth to it, use it to make the book better. Don’t be afraid to humble yourself and make suggested changes. It does not make you weak.

In summary, we can’t edit ourselves. We’re too close to the project and we lose objectivity. Ask someone to read it for you and take any advice they give that makes sense to you. You will be a better writer for it.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Change is Good!

As I was growing up, I would often overhear comments that went something like this:

“I knew her before she became famous. But then she changed.”

“You know, Gladys has really changed since she lost all that weight.”

The word “changed” was always said with the same vocal intonation you would use to say “foot fungus” or “halitosis.” Change was obviously bad and no one should ever do it. That was the message I received.

My first book was published in 2002, and at that time, I made a decision. I was not going to change. I would never give anyone reason to say, “I knew Tristi before she was published, but now she’s changed.” Consequently, I don’t often talk about my writing. I never bring it up at church activities and I hardly ever take the opportunity to share what I’m doing with others. Friends and family sometimes ask what my latest project is, and I’ll tell them, but for the most part I don’t volunteer the information. I don’t want people to think I’ve changed.

It’s different in the writing community. Everyone has the same goal, even though we’re approaching it different ways, and we get each other. I can talk more freely here than I can in my regular, every day life.

But tonight, I’ve been having some deep thoughts. I want to pass them on to you here, and I would love to hear some of your deep thoughts, as well.

1. Didn’t we come here to this earth for the purpose of learning and growing? And when we learn and grow, doesn’t that mean that we are changing from what we are now into what we can become? That would make change good, not bad. Why do people say “change” like they think it’s the worst thing that could ever happen to a person?

2. Since we are here to learn and grow, and our earth life is of a limited duration, wouldn’t that mean that we need to be working on ourselves right now, all the time? If you knew you only had five years to accomplish everything you ever wanted to accomplish, you’d get right to work. None of us knows how long we have. If we waste our time, putting off our goals and dreams for one reason or another, we may not have time to do it later.

3. And, since we’re here to learn and grow, and we have limited time, wouldn’t that mean that we should be selective about how we spend our time? I think we should carefully choose those things we do, so that we are learning and growing while we’re doing them. If you’re not going to grow from doing it, then why do it?

I think about all the chances to share what I love to do that I missed out on because I was afraid someone would accuse me of “changing.” Granted, I’m not going to get up and bear my testimony in church and plug my latest book. But how many times have I downplayed my accomplishments, or even criticized myself, all because I didn’t want someone to think I’d gotten a big head? How many times have I confused humility with self-doubt? How many times have I upset the balance between pride and genuinely deserved self esteem? And how often have I beaten myself up about it?

There is nothing wrong with taking satisfaction from what you do. When someone asks you what you do for a living, do you feel ashamed when you say “plumber” or “accountant” or “computer programmer?” You may not have the career you currently want, but you don’t generally hide what you do because you’re worried what people will think. (Unless you’re doing something illegal, which I seriously doubt you are.) Why hide your writing? Or if you dance, why hide your dancing? Why do we feel ashamed of our talents?

In all honesty, despite my efforts to “keep from changing,” there are those who have had difficulty accepting my published status. I took that far too much to heart at first. But with these deep thoughts, I’m realizing that it’s okay that I’ve changed. Why do it if it’s not going to change me? I don’t want to be the same person forever. I want to learn and grow and overcome and conquer, and I can’t do that if I am always exactly the same.

So as you write and become published, or achieve another goal you've had, don’t listen to those people who will criticize you for changing. If you have changed, you are on the natural path of life, achieving some of the things that God sent you down here to achieve. Just make sure that you’re changing for the better.
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